Good and Bad

I know I haven't said much on this blogorino of late... I've been busy, and happy, and not-so-happy all at the same time.

I just spent 4 hours last night going through old blogs from 2005. It's very interesting to see how my life has changed since then.

I had a data loss in 2006, whereby I lost all of the information (and a bunch of email... Thanks Microsoft!) about where I gigged for 2 years. I went through old emails to try and figure out where I played, but besides the fact that I lost 5 months of 2006, nobody really talked about gig dates through email back then. It was all over the phone. Funny that my bandmates have only started using the Internet in earnest over the last couple years.

Part of the reason I'm unhappy, is that I'm going through some painful tax problems brought on by a terribly incompetent mistake by an accountant who was just fine till then. How big can an accountant screw up? Missing almost half your income over 2 years perhaps? Revenue Canada is about to make my life living hell. Luckily I have proof in the emails I sent him with the correct amounts. However, I lived my life on the assumption that I was in no hurry to get other outstanding years done, because I was getting money back like I had every other year. He never did send me copies of those returns, and I never did sign them either. :(

Anyway, I'm now trying to get the other years done, but I have no idea how much money I made as a musician for the years I'm being audited for, or even where I played. Looking through all these old blogs was an excellent resource to find out what I was doing each weekend, due to my blogging addiction. Unfortunately, it took hours and hours to go through them all, including some of the drafts I never did make public.

On the other hand, it really gave me a perspective of how far I've come. I was complaining about not getting any love... Pining over the ex... Pining over other girls who were not worth it... Etc. etc.

These days, things are pretty good. I still have some inner conflicts about things I'll need to write down somewhere, but not here. Certain people that still have this blog bookmarked somewhere shouldn't know such things.

I've come to realize lately, especially with what's going on, how wonderful my girlfriend is.

If you go back to November '05 on, you can read about her. I wasn't sure about her at first... We were kind of casual in the beginning, but we're now living together, and she really wants to marry me. Not just little vague hints either, but full on bluntness about it. Now I'm the one who's hesitant. Not because I don't think she'd be great, but mostly because it scares the hell out of me. Possibly because marriages in my family have not been a positive thing. My Mom's been married 3 times (though the current one is very happy); my Brother's been married and divorced. I know many many friends whose lives have been ruined by bad marriages... Blah blah blah.

Here's the thing though: Things aren't going well. I have some debts... Debts that I was managing.. Slowly getting ahead. Paid off my student loans.. Paid off some lesser credit cards, etc, etc. However, if revenue Canada slaps me with what I think they're going to, I won't be able to make it. It's all my stupid accountant's fault, but I'm too nice to sue, and CRA doesn't really care whose fault it was. Just give us out money bitch... I still need to look at my options, but I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

Through all of this, my girl has been nothing but supportive. I know a lot of girls would run away. Run away fast. She's even offered to make my car payments... She makes good money (better than me actually), but she's not rich by any means. We're both scrimping at the moment.

Some guys say things like "She could take half your shit man.."

But really, half of what??? She makes more than me, she has a newer, more expensive car than me, she has a pension, she has furniture, etc. etc.

It's about more than that though. She's repeatedly said she's staying put. She's repeatedly said she wants to get married. Still. She says we can pay for the ring with a wedding social. I don't know if I've met anyone so loyal. It's been hard for me to trust women, but this one is genuinely a good person.

My life may be shit right now, but I don't have to go through it alone. I'm still a lucky guy. Perhaps soon to be a married guy.

Who knows?